Waddaloser

Hehe, i dont know why. But im in such a great mood today. I love feeling like this. I really dont want anyone ruining my mood. It’s been a while since i’ve been this happy, well i mean these couple of weeks. But anyways, i want to party right now. I want to blast loud music and just dance around the house naked. (x Haha, but i wont. That’s just going to make things awkward with my family. 

Aw, what a gentleman.

So, i was chilin and minding my own business at lunch today. And all of a sudden i see Jodie passing by me, i always thought he was a jerk of some sort cause he used to hang with Jonathan. But then i see him holding the door for some girls. What a gentleman. He’s so freekin adorable. I never saw him be nice to anyone. But damn, it was just super cute. It was a “you had to be there” moment. I WANT to be his friend now, i do need a guy best friend. (x Haha, but he’s super adorable. Haha, okay that was all i wanted to say. BYE!

Like i said before, im sorry for making it seem like you’re loosing me. Its just lately i’ve been super sensitive about things, especially you. It’s just that we’re far into the relationship were things start getting serious between us. And i’m at the point where i feel like breaking down all the time because of the distance. Its not that i hate not having you here next to me, its the fact that you seem like you’re “always” busy to even have the time to talk to me. I know school, football, and taking care of your sister and chores can be super tiring. But it doesn’t take a whole hour to at least reply back or call to check up on me. It only takes a couple seconds, or a click away, then you can go on to whatever you were doing. I’m fine with you saying, “Sorry babe, can i talk to you later. Sorta busy.” But no, i get nothing. I have to wait an hour or so for you to text back. I guess i’m making this all a big deal. But its just, don’t you feel the same when i don’t text you back right away? Well, i feel that all the time now, i feel so useless, annoying, and just a big bother to you now a days. I’m sorry for being so emotional when you talk to me lately. It’s just i constantly wait for you ALL DAY, just to hear a voice or get a text from you and i start thinking negative and it really does hurt cause i can make up lots of stupid excuses why you’re not talking to me. I know its hard and all, to handle me and do all you’re regular routines. But at least give me warning that you’re busy, please. I’ll understand. 

I would love to skip my bad days and forward my life to the good days

(Source: johnisidro)

You make me feel so clingy. I don’t know why i am. Maybe its cause i feel like you’re busy talking to someone better. Or you just don’t want to talk to me at all. I feel so weak at times, like my hearts aching so much it makes me want to not move.. It feels as if i HAVE to cling on to you for you to stay, or not make you not think i don’t want you anymore. You don’t know how much i need you. You don’t know what i have to go through everyday. When i finally get to hear your voice, its as if you’re here with me. And the fact i get to talk to you on the phone with you at least once a day, literally makes my day. I need that, i need you to be here for me. I need you to pay attention to me. I need YOU. Everyday i’m ignored, annoyed, and feel like i don’t belong in this world. But when i talk to you, or when i’m with you. I feel so complete, so loved, and i feel like i do have a reason to be living. I know i push you away at times, get mad at you, ect ect. But that’s just a test. A test to see if you really willing to be with me, or its just sometimes i need to get all my anger out from having such a horrid day. I’m sorry for treating you wrong. I don’t mean to, sometimes i don’t even realize it cause i know you can handle my BS. You’re smart enough to know that i don’t mean anything horrid i say when i’m mad. You SHOULD know that i love you and that i NEED you in my life.. 

….

I’m tired of you nagging all the time. It’s getting really annoying and old. Just shut up already! To be honest, i’m actually glad i’m leaving High School. I actually can’t wait for college. HA, i’m probably going to regret saying this. Oh well, i am tired of high school. Its just full of cunts and hoes. 

What a day. Pretty productive, I might say. Looked spiffy for church and my little cousin’s birthday party and my little cousin’s first communion. It was fun. Vented to Justin till his girl called. -__- But overall, I think we’re getting closer again. Hmm, what else. Oh Lake Elizabeth is HUGE, but beautiful. And uh, found out that my new neighbor has a crush on me. AWKWARD. But yeah, loved today. I need to have more fun and productive days like today. Mhmm.